Even prior to reading
[J.L. King's book] On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of "Straight"
Black Men Who Sleep with Men, I began ruminating on the politics
of black male desire. Why was the idea of African American men sharing
pleasure with other men garnering such attention? It couldn't be the
novelty of such a concept. African Americans have a long history of
being proudly same-gender-loving, as well as other-gender-loving. It's
in our blues, it's in our jazz, it's in our rock-n-roll. It's in our
literature and poetry too. But would it be in our politics? Would it
be in our understanding of our sexual and racial civil rights? Would
it be in this book?
I opened to the
dedication page and read, "I dedicate this book to all the women
whose health has been jeopardized and emotional state compromised by
men living on the DL, and to all women in general who may use this book
as a protective guide. I also dedicate this book to men on the DL, in
hopes that looking in the mirror will be a catalyst to change."
I
put the book down. All my worst fears about this book — that it
would perpetuate notions of a black womanhood victimized by black male
sexuality, that it would conflate issues such as safer sex and negotiated
polyamory with hype and hysteria, and that it would include secrecy
and deceit in the definition of the down low — were being referenced
by King from the start.
I had longed for
a voice of reason and diplomacy, a sex-positive and anti-racist perspective
on the matter. J.L. King was not that voice, that someone, or that black
man.
To be fair, his
idea of changing one's ways includes simply telling female partners
about one's male partners. He espouses honest dialogue about behavior
and safety methods as a way to prevent the transmission of STDs, including
HIV. What the book lacks here is a model for that dialogue and a support
for what happens next. I would like to have seen a guide for the conversation,
in which the partners — all the partners — make decisions
regarding safer sex, ethical polyamory, and sexual identity politics.
However, there
is a subtext to the book as well. Where he leaves out next steps for
black men and their male and female partners to navigate physical safety
and emotional well-being in a down low sexuality, he more than makes
up for it by including a great deal of information on how to cruise.
After reading chapters entitled "Tops and Bottoms," "The
Signs," and " Making Connections on the DL," I had all
the strategies I needed to find African American men on the down low.
If I were a black man myself, I'd be thrilled to start my down low adventures
armed with the details from this book. And, as long as being on the
down low didn't automatically mean lying to my wife and forgoing condoms,
I'd be... well, I'd be J.L. King's ideal.
In fact, I might
even end up being like J.L. King himself. He was on the down low, in
the past, he says. And now? Now he describes himself as having "admitted
the truth. The truth is that I am a man who likes having sex with men...
and women. I have girlfriends with whom I am very upfront. And while
being with them will not stop me from sleeping with men, I need them
in my life. I give them the choice. I don't make this decision for them.
I don't try and play God."
My challenge with
this book is that the down low is repeatedly defined as including deceit
and unsafe sex. Is it possible that someone could embrace a down low
identity without the negative effects? I imagine that one could be on
the down low and use safer-sex supplies. One could be on the down low
and have full support from an open dialogue with partners. Instead of
vilifying the down low, perhaps we could celebrate it as a valid, uniquely
African American male sexual orientation.
As for King, while
he is no longer on the down low, he is not some other sexual orientation
either. He does not identify as heterosexual. He is not bisexual. In
fact, he bi-phobically describes bisexuals as greedy men who "want
it all," especially threesomes. And he is not gay, as one chapter
is proudly titled, "I Love the Ladies, Too."
I also love the
ladies. And the men. And anyone else who lives with integrity and passion.
I would love to see the down low defined as a valid sexual orientation,
not a confused bisexuality, not a sex-crazed lifestyle for liars, not
the delusion of HIV-positive black men infecting "innocent"
black women, and not a step on the path to finding God, as King has
described it to be.
Copyright ©
2004 National Sexuality Resource Center/San Francisco State University
